The Girl With A Brown Bag

The title itself makes me ask why? I’m writing this hoping it will help me cope better with these ‘issues’. Before anything, let me say that I don’t think I have trust issues of any kind. Like is it so wrong to question everything? I like to think that I’m just being cautious,don’t you think? Okay, to indulge some guys(my therapist) let us try and get deeper,shall we?

When I was a kid one of my brothers shocked me. Not the normal child play like Maah!!!No. He made sure electric current flowed into my body(If that is what really happens,I forget physics sometimes when it suits me). He got a copper wire, took off the insulation with his teeth, make a horse-shoe shape, got the ends of the wire into a socket and told me to hold onto it before switching it on. Now, I know what you are all thinking. Why did I do it. Like how stupid was I? One, if my grades were anything to look at, I was not stupid. Two, for those of you with elder siblings you know that when they said jump you’d ask how high not why. This is the human my mother had left in-charge of two pre-scholars. If my mother thought he was trustworthy then who was I to think otherwise.

After that my uncle put me in a drum and let me roll downhill. You know those strong containers used to store tar or fuel? My dad had one of those. To me it was all exciting until I was rolling. Then there was the usual smell my finger prank and a couple of missing a chair when sitting. So let me ask you, do I really have trust issues or I’m just trying to prevent a disaster?

I love spongebob. That yellow sponge has most life than most of us but how he trusts everyone has to be bad for him. I have tried living like spongebob but I end up giving up; and with good reason by the way. You tell me, how spongebobby would you be if you found out that girls in your class showed your sanitary pads to boys in your class(and they were the big ugly ones not the cute wrapped ones) or heard through someone that a boy you liked did not want to be with you because his friends had a wager that he’d date another girl who he doesn’t like which he’d rather win than date you.

Years later someone tells me they love me and I look at them and ask why? I am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, it has just become like a reflex over the years. I’ll wait for my sister to taste my food before me when she serves or be at the verge of signing an NDA with most people I meet.

I do envy people who can just let themselves experience hurt. So yeah,I might have some trust issues. I don’t even trust myself. I often question my own intentions. Did I really need to wear such a short skirt or is it because I’m hoping I’ll meet the cute neighbor? Does he really like me or I’m I desperate? Will anyone like this post or should I delete it like I did with the previous four?