LESSONS FROM MY BROTHER 2

Last Friday was my brother’s birthday. This is the brother I follow who follows the first brother. I have wanted to write this piece since last Wednesday but I’ve had a serious case of block. This has had me thinking, if I don’t do (or write) something before we are done with November it will be an issue. I don’t want it to seem like I have a favorite between the two so it’s only right that I have a post dedicated to him for his 27th birthday. I have picked a few of the most important lessons he has taught me. I want to leave something for next year.

NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO LEAVE YOU SPEECHLESS

From a young age, my brother always had a comeback. It didn’t necessarily have to be a good one but he always had an answer for everything. He would talk himself out of trouble a lot of times and when he couldn’t he went down fighting. He has always told me that once you give someone the chance to feel like they surprised you, you’d be vulnerable and they would attack. I agree. I rarely get surprised. I actually hate surprises because they make me feel like I don’t have my shit together (not to mention the panic attacks)and I like all my shit intact. You hit me with a why I’ll hit back with a because. While I’m amazed by the simple things in this life, I’m surprised by very little. So for this, thank you.

HAVE YOUR OWN MIND

If you read the post about my other brother, you know by now how much my family insists on using your brain. I remember when I was younger, my brother was the person I followed everywhere. He let me climb trees together with his friends or defended me from those same friends. This tag along habit made me develop an adoration for my brother. It got to a point where if he said jump I would and if asked later why I jumped I’d say proudly, ‘M ndiye alisema‘(he told me to). The thing is, he never knew exactly what I was capable of doing for him so one day he dared me. I took the dare, got hurt and of course I told my mum I did it because my brother said so. This is when he told me it doesn’t matter who it is or how much love you have for that person, just don’t follow people blindly. He said for every jump I got I’m supposed to ask why and if the answer I got was good enough for ME then I could ask how high otherwise don’t jump for anyone. As you can tell, I was taught to be rational(and skeptical) from a very young age.

ACT LIKE YOU KNOW

In the same spirit of not being caught off-guard I was told to act like I know. My brother told me to take whatever little information I have and run with it. If possible influence people to discuss what you know so that you can contribute but always try to know a little of everything. He however cautioned that little knowledge is very dangerous and I should always feed myself with knowledge.This meant when alone I taught myself stuff. I read everything and tried to keep up with the trending topics as much as I could. I also tried to sit on the same table with people older than me and listen. So now when I don’t know everything about a subject, I have enough information to act like I know.

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN PEOPLE

It should be no surprise for anyone that I don’t trust people. If you are not my mother then I don’t trust you. I am however trying to trust the people closest to me but that comes at a risk on my part(story for another day). My brother while he does not really trust everyone, he at least gives then second, third and fourth chances. The hardest people to trust are your relatives because while they have the biggest reason to be your cheerleader, they tend to be the people who hurt you the most. Late last year I severed a relationship I had with a relative of mine I had become very close to. You see, unlike my brother I give you just one chance to screw up and I’m done. So last year my good brother tried to show me how she had made a mistake and I should not let that ruin all the good memories we had. He’s always trying to mend things between people. He listens to apologies while I normally don’t give a crap. He tells me that not everyone is out to get me and that there are good people in this world(will a good person please stand up!!) and I am trying to listen. He continues to encourage me to see the good in people and again I am trying.

ALWAYS HAVE YOUR POKER FACE READY

Another pretty important lesson I got from my brother is don’t let your face reveal too much. This lesson however came after it was almost too late. For those who know me, my face lights up when I get excited or I completely shut down when not in the mood for anything. This open book nature makes it very easy for people to read you and therefore making you much more vulnerable(don’t I know it!!). After seeing me cry a couple of times, he told me to take those feelings and push.them.right.down. He taught me how to have an impassive face especially around strangers. He particularly taught me this; don’t ever let anyone see your tears. When they see you broken and vulnerable, the not so good ones will have a chance to kick you deeper. This is my motto these days as I try to lead life differently. You’ll never see me cry(unless you are my pillow) and you’ll never see a hint of hurt/pain on my face. I am unfortunately still very sensitive(someone please tell me how to shut it down) but fortunately better equipped to protect myself. So thank God for my resting bitch face.

YOU ARE NEVER REALLY ALONE

A couple of times my sister and I have tried to solve our problems ourselves like the independent people we were brought up to be. This has however not always worked and a couple of times backfired in our faces. When asked why we didn’t ask for help we’d give reasons like you were all busy or I was alone at the moment. My brother always told us that in a family there is never really something like alone. As long as you had this many number of people surrounding you there was no excuse for drowning. Everyone is always busy but all we have to do is ask for help then suddenly no one is that busy. He tells me that you are only alone when on an island you built for yourself but even then swimming or boats can get you out. Family doesn’t always mean blood but if you look keenly there is at least one person who is never too busy for you.