The Girl With A Brown Bag

Today is my father’s 61^st birthday. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a proud daddy’s girl. I have no apologies for that. He is one of three guys in my life who have been a constant all my life. I don’t remember him asking for anything from us except our best. He is not perfect but he’s my dad.

In celebration of his becoming older, I have listed below some of his greatest lessons. His little gifts to us if you may.

YOU ARE NOT THE PARENT

I have been through a few challenging things in my life that were honestly a bit tough. I have also seen my dad angry and heard him when he is pissed. So naturally I would hide some of the stuff going on in my life just to avoid his wrath. I did not want him suing a teacher for harassing his girl or beating a kid up for bullying me because according to me that would just make my life harder. When I later told him that all this things had happened, he got angry. I did not understand his anger at the time but I kind of get it now. When I told him why I never said anything, he said it was none of my business how he chose to react when it came to protecting us.  He said it was his job as a father to fight for us and choosing to cry alone deprived him of the chance to fight for me. My dad said my work was just to be his daughter and let him be my parent.

LEARN TO ARGUE AND NOT QUARREL

In a family of more than one child, people fight. The kids fight each other, the parents fight the kids, the kids set each other up all the time and stuff like that. How unlucky you are if you get a know-it-all for a brother or sister. Sometimes you are all know-it-alls because your grandmother knows everything and there’s nothing that can be done about that. Most are the days when you have conflicts of ideas. Now, if not moderated these events may turn chaotic. People will cry and there will be poor choice of words. On day the four of us were fighting over some topic I don’t even remember. My father sat silently and watched us exchange words very loudly I must say. He then shushed all of us and told us in what then seemed like big words, ’Can you people stop quarreling and argue’. So my sister being the baby of the family goes, ’Is there a difference?’ to which my dad says, ‘All this bickering is noise. No one is listening and everyone is talking. That’s a quarrel. When you take chances to talk and give each other a chance to listen, then you’ll have an argument. You may not agree on everything but you’ll have respect for each other’s opinion’. That’s how I learnt how to differentiate between the two. I argue a lot but if we quarrel I’ll hit you.

IF YOU HAVE TO LIE, DON’T GET CAUGHT

In our family, we don’t lie or we try not to lie. To each other I mean. We are like brutally honest with each other and I think this has made us closer. This however is not to say that we never lie. Sometimes we have to.

One day my parents were summoned by my brothers’ teacher because he had lied. Instead of being angry, my father took this incidence to teach us how to lie like gentlemen. He told us, the truth is always the best way but some people can’t handle the truth. If some truth is too heavy for a person and you can’t avoid trouble by telling it, then lie. Just don’t lie like an idiot. Idiots make up a story from scratch which makes it harder to follow it up. To lie like a boss is what people call ‘white lies’. They are still lies but when they are white they become lie-ish. Here, you give 50% facts (which are true but harmless) and 50% non-facts (for which the truth could ruin you). You can also give the 50% facts but omit the rest. Insinuate stuff if you don’t want to lie. Let the other person’s head lie for you. This way when someone asks, you did not technically lie. Thanks dad.

YOU HAVE TO FIGHT

When he was younger, my brother had a bully for a neighbor. My dad would always come home to find his son wounded just because he wanted to play with the neighbor’s son. One Saturday my dad was in the house when my brother walked in crying. My dad asked him what happened and the boy said ‘So and so bit me’ and went ahead to show his father the teeth marks. My dad got pissed. He told his son, ‘Listen to me, next time he bites you bite him too’ and that was that. Next day my brother goes to play. From the house my dad hears a boy crying but realizes that that is not his son. He goes to the window and looks out to see what was going on. Immediately my brother saw him he shouted, ‘Daddy ulisema nimuueme hivo?’(Dad did you mean bite him like that?) My brother was very proud and my dad was prouder. The bully’s mother however heard my brother ask my dad the question and got angry but dad was too proud to be embarrassed.

He tells us this story every time we seem to be giving up. By the way, the bullying stopped just because my brother bit him back. Don’t let anyone just step all over you, step on them right back. This world is for fighters.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, HE’S MY ONLY ONE

I get a lot of traits from my dad. This means I don’t always say okay or fine when he says something. Sometimes, most times I fight back. I’ll ask why when he says jump instead of how high. He does the same to me when I ask for a favor though (I know he’s the parent). We have had our issues and a few occasions where silent treatment was served but we always come back. I remember one time I was so angry that I got sick and he called me just to tell me that no matter what happens or how much we fight, he is my only dad. How long would you stay mad after such a call? I realized that no matter what happens my dad is the only one God gave me and no amount of anger would change that.

To the greatest father a girl could ask for, happy birthday. You’ve brought up a fine young lady is I do say so myself. You have taught me a lot but let’s start with these.